Monday, March 3, 2008

sound single's advice --- & marrieds : )

recently i heard my pastor make a statement, that as a single woman who desires to be married one day, i'm becoming more aware of it's importance...

"In order to begin to move toward marriage &
my guess is that’s the desire of your heart –
to always remember this truth,
instead of trying to search for the right person,
become the right person."

this is a huge truth that i feel like my generation is missing out on. more and more i see the focus on finding the right person and becoming the right person gets completely put off due to the vigirous search for a husband or wife. two books i am currently reading have both given me sound advice about marriage before it comes knocking on my door. the first book i've been reading is in the baxter family series by karen kingsbury. 'forever' is the 10th book in the series and in this book, Mrs. Baxter, has written letters to all of her adult children with her 10 secrets to a happy marriage. they are definitely worth pondering whether you are single or married.

1. God has you here to serve one another. Love acted out is serving.
2. Women need respect and nurturing. Love your wife so she knows you would lay your life down for her. Continue to date her and admire her. Share a hobby—find something you can do to have fun together.
3. Laugh often!
4. Be patient. Love crumbles quickly under the weight of unmet expectations.
5. Spend more time trying to fix yourself than your spouse.
6. Keep short accounts. In other words, make it a habit to forgive and let go. The Bible says, “Do not let the sun go down while you are angry.”
7. Determine together and individually up front that divorce is not an option.
8. Learn about love languages. Not all people show love or receive it the same way. You want a back rub and your spouse wants a clean kitchen. The love languages are fairly simple: acts of service, time, physical touch, gifts, and words of affirmation. Learn them. Love is better received when it’s in the language that person speaks.
9. Words of affirmation are a love language for all men.
10. Men are born to be leaders. He cannot lead unless she gives him the confidence to do so. If you love your husband, build him up. Confident men do not seek love outside the home.

love languages are something that mrs. baxter brings up in her top 10 list and that is also the topic of another book i am reading, the 5 love languages by gary chapman. this is a very insightful book about how each of us gives and recieves love. words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, & physical touch are all languages in which we show/speak love. ultimately every person wants to be competely known and loved by another and this is shedding on light into our love languages as humans. it troubles me how many broken marriages there are in our day and i think that this book could be very beneficial for everyone. i can only hope that one day, if God wills, i will be able to experience a marriage full of a love that exemplifies the love which God created.


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