Tuesday, September 25, 2012

{hopeless wanderer}

as i typed the title of this post i mindlessly typed "hopeful wanderer" instead of the new mumford and sons song title "hopeless wanderer." i think it was my subconscious.  let me explain...

the new mumford & son album "babel" was released today and it just so happens i was at home this morning to meet the time warner cable people.  this morning was a sweet, refreshing time for me.  fall is in the air here in north carolina. the windows and doors in the house were all open while i cleaned and waited.  i juiced, drank coffee, and listened through the new album in it's entirety.  it was glorious.

mumford has blown my mind again and to be blunt i was in DIRE NEED of new music.  new inspiration.  sometimes i feel like my soul connects with music in such an awe inspiring way and this album is just what i needed.  their lyircs never disappoint and one song that stuck out this morning was "hopeless wanderer"...
i've felt like that hopeless wanderer these last few months.  wrestling with my faith, not really knowing where i'm headed or if i'm going in the right direction.  traveling to poverty stricken countries and not understanding the things of this world.  listening to stories of friends lives and hearing choas, love, confusion, joy, hurt, and hope.  fighting my own loneliness and struggling with that unmet desire i have of falling in love. feeling my hope for those desires growing smaller.  that light of hope dimming. feeling called to make courageous decisions and being confident in the direction i was heading.  started walking that path and totally overlooking the unseen road block ahead.  running smack into that road block and coming to screeching halt.  pain.  oh the pain.  begrudgingly turning 180 degrees and making more  hard and painful decisions to go the other direction... all the while clinging to my faith and hope that all is as it should be... with a whole mess of emotions in the midst of it all.  hopeless. to be honest i felt hopeless.  i was a mess. i doubted it all...

then came the gentle and quiet whisper...

"i am with you.  do not fear.  seek me. 
abide in me.  turn to me.  lean on me.  
i love you my child.  i will care for you. 
you have all that you need in me. you lack nothing."

oh the Lord, so sweet.  He is love and of that i have no doubt.  even though days may be rough, they still continue to come and go, and i feel that flame of hope growing again.  the light in the darkness.  there is a new season ahead and i will not let my heart grow cold.  i am begging the Lord to "hold me fast," because how quickly i can become that hopeless wanderer. i am learning as i go to love this sky i wander.  the hard parts of life where God asks me to take one step closer to Him.  i have felt like the "hopeless wanderer" during this season of my life, but i think my soul knows different even when some days i don't feel it.

my soul knows i am truly the hopeful wanderer.

and that is faith.  that is hope.
i'm grateful for a God who is love.
i'm grateful for music inspiration.
i'm grateful for the raw talent that is mumford and sons.

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