so... i seem to be at a loss for words... or maybe it's just i have so many words swimming around in this head of mine that i can't make any of them into complete thoughts. they've been bouncing around in my head for about a month or so now and i might go crazy. this season of life sometimes stops me in my tracks and unfortunately holds me captive there and i'm over it. i haven't known what to blog about so today i decided i would just start typing a see what comes out...
so i failed... an epic fail in my book. remember that whole "operation weight loss" thing last year? that really awesome time last year where i lost almost 30 pounds? yeah that was really cool... you know what's not cool? finding 20 of those pounds that i lost. yep. *sigh* at first when i realized it, i was completely defeated...and i know you're probably asking, "how did just just "realize" that you gained 20 pounds?" let's face it folks. i'm REALLY good at lying to myself and ignoring the obvious. i wanted to just throw in the towel and say "well i tried, but i failed. i can't do it."
...but you know what? the Lord's been whispering to my bleeding heart. "it's ok my love. i still love you regardless and i want you to get up and go again. i'm changing who you are on the inside" that old saying "if at first you don't succeed, try try again" has been playing on repeat for the last week or so in my head and i've realized a lot about personal disciplines and how imperative they are. sadly, i developed some pretty lazy habits at a young age that i love to blame on my laid back nature, but when i'm truly honest with myself, they're just nasty, yucky, bad habits that i have to step out and do something if they're going to change.
i'm really beginning to understanding how eminent disciplines are for me to grow into the woman that God created me to be. whether they're spiritual disciplines or physical disciplines, they are greatly needed and even when i fail, i HAVE to get up and try again. i can't let fear of what other people think or if i'll fail again paralyze me from getting up, dusting off my shoes, and going at it again...
i think all of these thoughts of mine finally ran over last night after reading this post from photographer, natalie norton. i urge you to read it if you have ever struggled with being disciplined with exercise and need some encouragement.
well... i guess that happens when you just start typing out some of those swimming thoughts, those honest, raw, icky thoughts that have been festering in my head. now you can hold me accountable or gently guide me to the right way if you see me stumbling and falling again to that epic fail.
so here i go... i'm trying again and God willing, these disciplines will work their way into every fiber of my being and stick. i'm praying that wholeheartedly. i long to be a woman of discipline, a healthy woman, a strong dancer, a strong skiier, and so much more!! your prayers would be much appreciated.